I seriously get about 2 seconds deep into a jog and feel boredom eating me alive. I feel mind numbing boredom in place of glorious freedom. I feel boredom instead of strength and boredom not healthiness.
So, maybe running just isn't my thing. Maybe I'm cut out to be more of an elliptical girl, or a long saunter through the woods, sorta girl. And I guess that's OK but I’m struggling with coming to terms with this fact. I'm having a hard time releasing my dreamy vision and embracing reality, because my debilitating boredom aside, I still feel romantically attached to the idea of running. Embracing truth means saying goodbye to the possibility of 7 miles in the morning and goodbye the possibility of being able to answer, “Why, yes! Yes, I am!!” when a stranger assumes that I'm a runner.
So, this morning I set out for a run. It was a beautiful day and I was inspired! I was summoned by the sun and the desperate hope of warmth. I wanted to be one with the glistening green world outside my window. Being that this is the Pacific Northwest and NOT California, the amount of warmth expelled by that shimmery, glowing sun was 100% deceiving. I would have preferred it to be (at least) a hearty 10 degrees warmer.
I forced myself through 2 miles. Honestly, it wasn’t hard. I wasn’t very winded when I stopped. I didn’t have a cramp and I had no joint pain. I stopped because I’d gone farther than I’d ever gone (outdoors) and my ears were aching from the cold. Plus, I just didn’t have a gripping reason to continue. I had nothing to prove and I was bored but on that last leg of the running portion of my “outdoor time” a certain song played on my Pandora feed. I’d heard it before, not many times but it was familiar(ish) but I hadn’t ever listened very closely to the words. On this particular morning one word stood out to me, “run”.
Ironic, I thought, that I’d be running (sorta) and hear a song that happens to have the word “run” repeating though it. I listened closer, more intently to the lyrics and their meaning.
“And oh as you run
What hindered love
Will only become
Part of the story
Baby, you’re almost home now
You’re almost home to Me”
As on line repeated, I was drawn in more and more to its deeper meaning,
“What hindered love, will only become part of the story.”
In this one string of words I felt freedom and lightness. The thought of “someday”; my someday...that I may someday look back at the things that currently hinder me, at the things that bind me up inside and feel free from them. That I may, years from now, look back on portions of my life, maybe even at today and right now and feel completely separate from it.
Maybe I’ll giggle at the thought of the things that once wore so heavily on me. Maybe I’ll sit and pat the hand of some stressed 30 something and say things like, “oh, honey, I promise it won’t always be this way. One day, you will consider this thing to be a piece of your strength.” So comforting and beautiful was (and is) the thought that my (today) hurdles and sorrows might be transformed into the glittery jewels of wisdom that will adorn the inside of my grey head (someday).
The burdens of today won’t be my forever burdens, they "will only become part of my story".